Beginning to End, A Saga of Fifteen Years, Part One

I woke up in a strange place.  

Strange noises from downstairs.  There was a sensation of utter weightlessness, a disoriented feeling that turned from antagonizing to fleetingly merciful.  I was alone.

Well, I was never alone.  I had been left by my equal.  I suppose that made her my better.

I had left a life that you will never read about here.  I travelled two thousand miles twice to be with Lillian.  She had won me with her words, torn me apart and truthfully, was the first to show me how to weave them.   She did this from a computer at a time when interacting in this world was still very much being figured out.  In those days those words were a means to an end.  We still sought out each others touch at the end of the night.  Poetry was different, it leaked out slowly before it poured down amongst the reality tv websites.

You know, back when it took effort to find the really *good* porn.

I went south first.  I watched the sun rise on one coast with her after being beaten half-unconcious in a nightclub (to my delight), used as a foot-stool, ashtray, the thing a curious boy learning his limbs will attempt if given the right encouragement and a kinky enough sex goddess.

No, no misrepresented image here.  Intense, dark.  My hand curled around her leg and she set her hand at the back of my neck.  I towered, my hair was midnight, and I kneeled

"head tipped to the side

lips parted

...good boy."

Perfect.  At least she was then.

I awoke to a strange face.

Well, actually two.

One I knew was named Abbey, she was a local pot dealer, gutter punk.  Beautiful, kind.  Just fucking cool, really.

Oh, and one leg.

Tiara was a misfit everywhere I think.  She ran with the punks, had a house outside the city with her parents.  He features were too cherubic for her chosen asthetic, but god so sweet, so longing for something, anything real.  Anything new.  She wore a red-velvet baby-doll dress.  I remember that.

Abbey wore jeans.  Fucking hard to get those off of a girl with one leg.  I'll tell you that much.

"Are you alright?"  Tiara was the one who spoke.  I worked my throat to answer.  

"Y, yeah.  What time is it?"  I looked around.  We were upstairs at Tiaras house.  I'd been couch jumping ever since Lilly had taken off.  I actually had an apartment, bare but for a paint drop-cloth that I'd just put the deposit down on.  

Heh, you know.  I just realized that was my first real place.

Wow, now that is depressing.

Abbey grinned.  "It's... dark."

It's dark.

I'm crouched outside my new apartment.  I'm freezing because it's the middle of winter and I haven't seen Lillian in three days.  I've positioned myself at a local gutter-punk hangout and living off what's left of the job I blew of when I hadn't seen Lillian for *two* days.  

Just in case Giacomo, just in case.  In situations like these you need people.  Go get them.

I digress.  Cold, outside my own apartment, crouched.  Lillian had called.  She said she was coming to talk.  And I wanted to see just who the fuck would drop her off.

Silly lanky boy.  It was pathetic.  Or maybe it was just my ego.

Me, with blonde hair.

I jerked the door open when he tried to close it.  He tried again.  I wrapped his blonde hair in my hand and jerked my fist back against the headrest.  I gritted my teeth.  If this were the movies my eyes would have actually flashed.

"I think maybe we better talk.  Alone"

We did.  You can probably guess everything we said.

I had been at Tiara's last night.  We drank.  I'd actually meant to bang Tiara, but as far as I recall instead I'd started weeping, or fighting.  I'd been distracted.

Evidentally, they'd held their thought.

Abbey was the first to kiss me, but I think Tiara liked me more.  Before I leave I know for a fact she was the one in love with me.  I reached, and my hands which were starved for affection for three days after two months of whirlwind madness in the streets felt crushed velvet in the right, skin in the left.

Abbeys lips touched mine, Tiara caressed my face.  My soul had screamed and they'd been brought to tears by it.  I felt every circuit firing tenderness and grace in their skin.  We coupled.

Well... I guess we tripled.

I woke up in a strange place.  

Strange noises, like from outside.

How did we get on Tiara's pullout downstairs?

Who was going down on me?

Where was Abbey?

Ah, Tiara then.

I didn't even open my eyes.  Just slitted them against the sunshine outside.   Crisp, blue day blowing in at us battled by the fireplace.  So that's why we'd moved.

Tiaras head moved slowly up and down, just a sillouette as I tried to hang between dream and... dream.  Her hands wandered up and down my stomach.  When I came it felt like draining sadness, and when it was done she curled her head in my arm.

"I've never done that for anyone before, swallowed I mean.  I spit it."  

I chuckled, at how fucked I was anyway.  I chuckled at how nieve a nineteen year old girl still could be.  (which is less of a mystery to me now. lol)  I chuckled about how goddamn lucky I ended up being, that despite utter fuckatude, utter betrayal, utter mind-numbing rejection I'd ended up here inside of four days.

I chuckled at how young we were.  Even then.