Down To My Fighting Weight

Well, it's been an intense couple of weeks. I've had to back off of a lot of incredibly fun things to be there for those that needed me most. I have no regrets about that. I just wish there were more of me to give.

Sirikit has been going through alot. Her and her husband are splitting up which is never easy. Less, when you've been together as long as they have. I do my best to be there. I like to think I've been helping, but sometimes-

sometimes it feels like the act of being close by makes things harder for her, not easier. By the nature of our relationship it's not hard to figure out that she wants much more. Were it not for the other half of my heart, I'd leap right into giving that to her with no reservations. As it is, that makes it difficult for her to trust me, what I say is true. It doesn't help that with everything going on she feels like she floats in the middle, disconnected from everything. Me, her husband, her life in the states.

It hurts to watch, it hurts not to be able to reach out and wrap around her for as long as she needs it. Every time I leave, or take her home, I can see in her eyes that she wants me to stay even as she's certain that I can't.

Very soon things must change, but I don't know how they will. I'm trapped between feeling like I should disengage one aspect of our relationship just to save the other. That bothers me, because that aspect is very precious to me too and has become so much a part of me I think it would be physically painful to let go. I don't know what to do. The WAY in which to be there without causing even more pain keeps eluding me.

I've been promoted at work after I threatened to leave. I've settled into the position very well. I think inside of the next month my finances should once again be what they were six months ago, and that makes me very happy. It will be nice to not have to count pennies when I'm trying to decide what I'm doing for the week again.

Kitten and Snake are here, FINALLY! Though to tell the truth I haven't had nearly the time to spend with them that I wanted to, partially because of everything going on, partially due to the aforementioned finances. I look forward to the day when neither is going to be as big of a problem. The Wife is not taking to Kitten though, which makes things slightly more complicated, but only slightly.

So there is my update. I felt like I owed you one. I see that people have started leaving comments about my last post showing support which I really appreciate.

It's nice to know some of you come here for more than the pictures. lol